With apologies to David Letterman, here's my list of top 10 things you should not put in a resume (in bold), followed by possible responses from employers – well, more likely kept to themselves:
1) Took time management seminar
Response: "Did you have a problem managing your time? You won't here."
2) Organized office football pool for 5 years
Response: "Hmmm, last I checked, that wasn't in the job description."
3) References available upon request
Response: "Thanks. If we're interested, we'll ask for them."
4) Email: email@example.com
Response: "Thank you for sharing. Circular file!"
5) Saved company money
Response: "Well, that's nice. But how much?"
6) Didn't work for six months due to medical condition
Response: "Legally, I can't ask about this, but since you volunteered this information, I'm off the hook."
7) Thirty years with just one company
Response: "So, why do you want to make a change now?"
8) OBJECTIVE: Accounting position
Response: I like reading resumes as much as I like doing my taxes, so make it easier on me and give me more information.
9) Was president of college fraternity
Response: "Wonder if he knows the `ilikesbeer' guy?"
10) Verry detail-focussed
Response: "Yeah right! ‘Nuff said."
Let's hear from you! If you've been a hiring manager or are one now, what resume faux pas have caused you to laugh, shake your head in amazement, or wonder how some people wind up getting hired? And, on the other side, have you ever made an embarrassing error in your resume that you later corrected, either on your own or after someone brought it to your attention?
Jump into the discussion. There are people out there whose careers you may wind up saving!
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