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A Dose of Hollywood Humor for the Frustrated Job Seeker

I don't know about you, but I'm fed up with all the bad news about unemployment and the wobbly job market. There's got to be something to be happy about, even if the economy is discouraging. So how about we take a break and have a laugh, courtesy of Hollywood's big-screen writers? It's all for fun, but there's an obvious lesson to be learned from each one.Film roll

"Show me the money!!!"
- Jerry Maguire (1996)

Never a good phrase to shout when you're negotiating your new salary (*snickers*).

Interviewer: "Where did you go to school?"
Josh: "It was called George Washington."
Interviewer: "Oh G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge?"
Josh: "Yes. Every morning." 
- Big (1988)

Oh, you mean we're not talking about my elementary school? Woops! Little white lies equal big fat problems down the road. You might not transform back into your 12-year-old self, but it won't be pretty when the truth comes out.

"All I've ever cared about was video games and they made me a millionaire. So maybe I don't know what the Civil War was, or who invented the helicopter even though I own one, but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk. I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it."
- Grandma's Boy (2006)

Passion goes a long way in a job search and your career. Just be sure to tone down the "crazy."

Peter Gibbons: "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
Dr. Swanson: "What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?"
Peter Gibbons: "Yeah."
Dr. Swanson: "Wow, that's messed up."
- Office Space, (1999)

Does this sound like you? If so, start looking for a new job – now!

Carolyn Burnham: "Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?"
Lester Burnham: "Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go @&#^ himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus."
- American Beauty (1999)

A lesson on what NOT to do when you quit your job. And please seek help if your dinner conversations are even vaguely similar to this! Yikes!

Antoine Laconte: "I'm a gigolo."
Deuce Bigalow: "Giga-who?"
Antoine Laconte: "Women pay me to give them ... pleasure."
Deuce Bigalow: "How did you get that job?"
Antoine Laconte: "I just sort of fell into it."
Deuce Bigalow: "I'm gonna kill my guidance counselor!"
- Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)

Don’t trust your guidance counselor to mention every career possibility that might appeal to you. They're kind of picky about legality and such. (And if you take me seriously here you shouldn't be reading this post.)

"You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!"
- The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)

If you can't remember anything past "following a business holiday," quickly pack up your belongings and run far, far away!

"NOT PERSONAL?! That is my WORK, my SWEAT, and MY TIME AWAY FROM MY KIDS! IF THAT IS NOT PERSONAL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!"
- Erin Brockovich (2000)

If you take your job personally, you might help some cancer patients win a massive court settlement. Ok, that'd only happen if you're Erin Brockovich. But plain Joe's and Jane's like you and I will simply accomplish more and maybe even get a promotion.

Got more career-related quotes from your favorite movies? Share the humor and post them below!

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