Feeling Rejected? 7 Tips to Take Back Your Happy Place
June 05, 2008 (10:00AM) by Brianna Raymond, CPRW
Whether it's dating or job hunting, everyone's bound to get rejected along the way. And surprisingly, getting rejected for the job you thought would be perfect can hurt just as much as being turned down by your potential soul mate. The only difference is you (hopefully) get over the job rejection faster. It might take a while to get an offer from another employer, but don't worry, you'll move on to bigger and better things. Here are seven tips to help you get back to your happy place:
- Always leave room for Plan B. One of the worst things you can do before you even get rejected is to put all your efforts and hopes into one job opening. Not landing that job can be tragic, so keep your options open with other positions to fall back on and soften the blow.
- Don't take it personally! As Gregg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, authors of He's Just Not That Into You say, "he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out." Sounds simple, right? Well it is that simple. If the employer doesn't make you an offer after the second interview, it doesn't mean you're a bad candidate or that you can't do the job well - it just means you're not the right fit for them. Get over it and move on.
- Leave the past alone. Often when we're turned down, we dredge up rejections from our past, making the current rejection seem worse than it is. This leads to second-guessing ourselves and drags out the recovery period. Instead, when you don't land a job that you were certain you'd be perfect for, think about how those old disappointments led to bigger and better things. Look to the future and figure out where to take your next shot.
- Stay classy. Getting rejected sucks. There's no pretty way of dealing with it. But when you're presented with a "we've decided to go with someone else" e-mail, you should still respond courteously with a thank-you note. They may have crushed your dreams, but if you show some class, they may pass your name on to someone else who has a better opportunity for you! Karma, baby.
- Find an ego-booster. If you're sure you did nothing wrong and you can't help but take "no" personally, use your thank you e-mail as an opportunity to ask what areas you could improve on. You might get some valuable information you can use in your next interview.
- Let loose. Rejections can take a toll on your mind and body. So go ahead and take some time to let out your frustrations. Grab a beer with friends, take your kids to Six Flags and scream your way down Superman, or do whatever it is you do to take your mind off things.
- Keep on truckin'. You'll never get over rejection if you stop searching for a "yes." It may take longer than you anticipated, but your next job is out there and you'll get it eventually. Just think of the satisfaction you'll get when a company finally makes you an offer!
What have you done to get over a job rejection? What kind of advice would you offer someone else who's going through a similar scenario?
Hey Bri, One thing I always noticed was that getting called for an interview can make even a mediocre opportunity seem like your dream job. To use your dating analogy, it's like the guy you never thought twice about, who suddenly seems kinda hot once you find out he likes you.
We rationalize away all the negatives and exaggerate the positives in our minds ("The money's so good that the obnoxious manager won't bother me," or "It's not really what I want to be doing long-term, but they give 4 weeks' vacation!")
So when it doesn't pan out, it feels like a huge loss, when it was never an ideal situation to begin with.
We humans can play such head games with ourselves :)
Julie
Isn't that funny? How we can get so wrapped up in something that isn't even that great to begin with -- just because we have a chance.
Just like desperate singles looking for someone to watch sunsets on a beach with, job hunters can be just as desperate. We may know, rather well even, that the fit isn't right, but the satisfaction of getting the job trumps all negativity. Question is: Will the satisfaction last through the fourth date (or the fourth month with that obnoxious boss)?
Good post. You never know how good or how lousy a job is until you've been there for six months anyway. What you think is a great opportunity during the interview process can end up being one of the worst jobs you've ever had.
Just like the candidate selling themselves to the potential employer, potential employers try to sell themselves to the candidate, and they're not always forthcoming or honest because they want that position filled. You accept their offer because the sales job they did on you was so great, only to find out after being there for awhile that it's not such a dream job at all, and then you find yourself starting your job search again. This is time consuming and emotionally draining.
It's like buying a car based on a ten minute test drive and then a week later, after you've driven the car in every situation you drive in, you realize you've purchased a lemon.
Good post. It is human nature to get our hopes up -- and dashed. But the key is to keep going. Chances are that if the company didn't want you, you wouldn't want the company after six months either.
Zeus: Great car analogy. It's so true. You took a leap of faith on what you thought was a great deal, but as with all things - including jobs - you never know how it's really going to turn out until after you put in some time. Hang in there.
Scot: Good points. No matter how many times you're rejected there's bound to be something out there that's the right fit for you - and you won't find it if you stop trying.
Thank you both for contributing!
I actually had a job just like the one described here. They sold it really well and it sounded great...until the first week was over. They were so desperate to fill the position that they made the job out to be a lot more than it was. I lasted about 7 months and it is the only job I have ever simply walked out on without giving notice. I chalk it up to a learning experience and I will definitely be more careful next time.
I had a sorry job that was coupled with an equally sorry boss that thought he was so important, he demanded a two weeks notice if I quit! I just told him that in two weeks he will notice that I haven't been there in two weeks!
I took my last job because I was desperate to get out of the one I was in. BIIIG mistake! I stuck it out with my boss for a year, despite being made to feel like I didn't know anything and having a super controlling boss. I asked for an interoffice transfer and got one - but the job was only temporary. I'm now unemployed in a super competitive job market! I've had 4 interviews over the past 3 weeks and have not heard a thing back from any of them. I've even called and left messages wondering what was happening.
I guess it's true - the right job just hasn't come along yet. As the saying goes - "be patient grasshopper".
I thought all my fellow jobseekers out there would enjoy this humourous example of a rejection letter that I stumbled across .......
A DIFFERENT KIND OF “EMPLOYMENT REJECTION” LETTER (Something To Lighten Up Your Job Search!!!)
999 Likely Lane LUCKSVILLE WA 6060
20 October 2009
Professor Reid Iculus Department of Opportunity University of Absolute Nonsense 123 Jobsearch Junction PERTH WA 6000
RE: Assistant Professor
Dear Professor Iculus
Thank you for your letter dated 12 October 2009.
After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.
This year, I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite the University Of Nonsense’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department in November.
I look forward to seeing you then.
I wish you luck in rejecting future applicants.
Yours sincerely
A Jobseeker
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